Meister Defiant

I spent almost 10 months living with an immature 27 year old. Everything in his environment has to be in a designated place in the proper way. For example, the TV remote can't go here, it must go there. My dishes can never go in there, they must always go here. My shoes can't sit off to the side in the entrance way, they must always be in the closet. I've come to expect him to kick my shoes around if I dare put them in the entrance. This suggests that his anxiety escalates if people do not conform to his strict ways.

He achieves a sense of control through a strict daily routine. His daily routine over the 10 months was the same as it was in the months before and will continue to be the same in the future. For example, let us analyze a typical day in his life. His alarm goes off and he hits the snooze repeatedly for exactly one hour - everyday. He showers, goes into his room, and blasts his music for exactly 10 minutes while he dresses - everyday. He eats the exact same thing for breakfast (Vector cereal, no milk) - everyday. He takes his vitamins at the exact same time - everyday. He gets to school at the exact same time - everyday. He gets a coffee and sits at the exact same spot before his class starts - everyday. He goes to the bathroom at the exact same time right before his afternoon class - everyday. He eats the same afternoon snack at school at the exact same time, timing it down to the minute - everyday. He comes home and naps for exactly one hour - everyday. At 8:30pm he eats the same thing for supper, chicken fingers and fries - everyday. This is usually the end of his routine as he alternates between getting high, video games and television. He goes to bed late and starts the routine over the next day. I believe that if his routine is interfered with, which one should expect given that there are 3 other people in the house, I believe that his anxiety surges.

Another factor is his asocial attitude. Out of his own will he has become more and more reclusive, resulting in a lack of a social life and very few friends. He has expressed on several occasions he does not like being around many people and that "going out with people for social drinks on a weekend is stupid". In a 10 month period, he left the house to socialize a handful of times. Two of those times were due to his brother, who lives out of town, forcing him out. This most certainly contributes to a banal existence. His life lacks the moderate excitement associated with going out with peers on a weekend to hang out and relax.

What I believe to be the MAJOR problem which lies at the root of all other problems is that he s happy being miserable. Constant reminiscing about the times we did such and such back in 2001, dwelling on his two ex-girlfriends that want nothing to do with him and have long moved on. He is the personification of “emo”. There are people who do it for the sake of fashion. Their “emo” is external. I believe that his “emo” is completely internal.

If you sum all these characteristics, you are left with a miserable person. Thus, when someone (which in our living arrangement was most often me) interferes with his schedule and the strict grasp he has on his life, he freaks out because his way of doing things have been disrupted. We then have to deal with his regressive (temper tantrums, whining, stomping) and passive-aggressive (kicking my shoes around when I am away) reactions.

He has created a miserable world that he basks in. I believe his stubbornness has led him to ignore the collective good of the house for his personal agenda. No one should be expected accommodate an inconsiderate, miserable asshole. I refused to live according to his expectations and I am glad he is gone